the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
