pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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