I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
