things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
