Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
