i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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