there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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