what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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