just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
