Umm I'm too high to move.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize