tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Pooping to opera.
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