I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
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