Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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