Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you would pick up someone in the library
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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