Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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