remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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