maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize