If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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