so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
