its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
