8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
