so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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