This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
