Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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