When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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