i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You made out with two different species that night
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
