how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize