My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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