How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
