I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
