Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
