One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
