I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
