I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
