Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
