He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
