Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
