Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I cut my penus on the lid.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
