she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Damn victory sex feels great
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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