I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Drunk is not a location!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
