I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
