I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
