we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
