You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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