I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
