just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
