she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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