I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
