I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
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