3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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