Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
