I seem to have left my pride at pride
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
