Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
