eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Lo siento on account of my penis...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
