I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
