this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
