Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Never joke about your clitoris.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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