failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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