Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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