Christians are straight up FREAKS
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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