YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
