here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize