I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
