Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I checked into jail on foursquare
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
