I want to stick my p in your. b.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize