cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
