So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
